I'm not bored, just unentertained and waiting ♥

So it's the holidays.
I just got back from Easter Camping yesterday, Had the time of my life.
Guys, chocolate, surfing, swimming, tanning, outdoors, excitement.
One down side to holidays, they end. Then you're left wondering what to do, imagining you're still there; in your happy place. Mine ? Anywhere but home.

I love the beach, Watching the waves is a nice thinking place.
I surf those waves, making me forget every bad thing that has ever happened and making me remember and look forward to all the good.
I swim, imagining that I am a mermaid, happy as can be, singing under water, dreaming. Letting my imagination run wild.
I tan, the only place I can actually sleep, bed is just what makes me all worked up, but listening to the waves and only the waves; Happiness.
I walk, letting my feet sink deep into the sand leaving quirky footprints to match my quirky feet, making me laugh to myself.
I sing, I write my songs down at the beach. Using the waves as inspiration as they bring up memories and make the words flow somehow.
Just thinking about the beach makes me happy, yet leaves me longing for it.

When I sing I lose myself, forget. Forgetting is a nice feeling and I welcome it with a warm smile. It's a change, something I need more.

I love to be alone, but sometimes I can't handle only talking to myself.
And when I do talk to friends, I am left ashamed of myself.
I am a selfish person, Instead of thinking " I wonder why Jordan is upset, I hope she's okay" I have myself believing it's all about me thinking " Ugh, get over yourself Jordan, don't you even notice i'm upset?"
There you go, I don't know how to stop my selfish ways, I think I used to be different once upon a time, what happened?
I'm bossy,then again that's only because i'm selfish, i like to have everything MY way.
Tips? Anyone?

I don't know how any of my friends handle me, always talking about me, me , ME.
I wish they would forgive me, even though they won't even admit they hate that about me.
I apologise to you, for my selfishness, bossiness, bitchiness, anger, hatred and neglect.
I never treated you with enough love and support, and that's why I'm left wondering if you still love me the way you did once upon a time.
Do you?

I worry about my suffering too much, that my mind has lost that place where it wondered if you were okay.

I'm sorry.
I'm so so sorry.

Please forgive me before you start to hate me.