I'm scared.
I'm tired.
I'm jealous.
I'm regretful.
But most of all I'm lost.
It's the feeling of not knowing where the last piece of the puzzle is, and you had worked so hard on the rest.
It's when you're playing hide and go seek, and you can't find the last person, but in this game you can't just give up. It's not an option.
It's like being sent on a treasure hunt with no map, and a blindfold on.
They say chase your dreams, but some dreams aren't worth chasing, because they're the dead end of the maze.
It's when you're feet are glued to the ground because you're afraid to go anywhere, incase you mess it all up, again.
I had a dream not so long ago. You know those dreams that you have that are so damn realistic and you are so gutted when you wake up, but have a feeling it could happen? Yeah, it was one like that.
I won't share what it was all about because that's not the point. The point is I was happy, so happy.
So when I woke up, then on, I had this feeling something amazing was going to happen.
It didn't, and most likely, it won't.
I'm sick and tired of hating myself.
I don't have what those other girls do, cliche I know.
But I can't stop.
I am jealous of everything, I get jealous of how people do their hair, to their happiness.
I always find something to get angry about, and then I can't stop.
I'm sick of talking about it coz it gets me all wound up, advice anybody ? x
Sunday, 11 March 2012
Monday, 13 February 2012
Excpected To Smile ... ? ♥
So yes, that's me miss Emily who usually doesn't care about anything and just laughs about it.
Am I now stuck on the point where I can't even laugh?
So my holidays are over and school has begun. There is the begginning of this depressing life started again.
New classes, new teachers, new people.
New friends? No. For Jordan? Yes. OUR friends? Jordan wishes.
Why? Because they have not only stolen Jordan but they've transformed her into someone she's not.
And now of course she's got the perfect, hot boyfriend and in her life the biggest drama she has is something her boyfriend said.
Am I jealous? Yes & No. Yes i'm jealous she's got a boyfriend, but I don't want him. Yes i'm jealous she's got new friends, but I don't like them & vise versa. Yes i'm jealous of her happiness, but there's nothing I can do about it.
No, i'm not jealous that she's pretending to be someone shes not.
No ,i'm not jealous of who she's become.
No, i'm not jealous that she doesn't give her best friend the time of day.
I realise i'm blaming Jordan for all my problems, a good victim for my anger.
All I want this year is to be happy, and not cry everyday when I watch the waves crash on the beach.
I want my friends to be happy & choose to love me, and not force one of my best friends to sit with me when right now my other best friend will do it willingly, and i'm scared one day she'll change her mind.
Minette & Jordan are my world, and I can't loose that. When I wake up for school and think " oh i'll pretend to be sick" I think again because I think I get to see them today.
Minette, You have stuck by me no matter what, you sacrificed everything for me. I envy you, your personality, beauty and friendliness. I wish I would appreciate you more, because I don't deserve you, I never have, but I will try to treat you better because if i lost you, i lose everything I gained.
Jordan, You are like my sister, therefore we don't bother fighting cause it doesn't matter. But lately i'm scared because it feels like our fights are real. I don't understand why, but I need to work on not taking everything out on you. I don't appreciate you enough either because I guess that invites in the saying " You don't know what you've got till it's gone" .
You two are my life, and I love you like my sister's. Because you are my sisters. And I will never give up on either of you, no matter how selfish I am I still think of you even when it seems like all i care about is me, because I have to admit most of the time it is all i think about.
I'm going to try. That is the least I can do to show you I actually care.
Am I now stuck on the point where I can't even laugh?
So my holidays are over and school has begun. There is the begginning of this depressing life started again.
New classes, new teachers, new people.
New friends? No. For Jordan? Yes. OUR friends? Jordan wishes.
Why? Because they have not only stolen Jordan but they've transformed her into someone she's not.
And now of course she's got the perfect, hot boyfriend and in her life the biggest drama she has is something her boyfriend said.
Am I jealous? Yes & No. Yes i'm jealous she's got a boyfriend, but I don't want him. Yes i'm jealous she's got new friends, but I don't like them & vise versa. Yes i'm jealous of her happiness, but there's nothing I can do about it.
No, i'm not jealous that she's pretending to be someone shes not.
No ,i'm not jealous of who she's become.
No, i'm not jealous that she doesn't give her best friend the time of day.
I realise i'm blaming Jordan for all my problems, a good victim for my anger.
All I want this year is to be happy, and not cry everyday when I watch the waves crash on the beach.
I want my friends to be happy & choose to love me, and not force one of my best friends to sit with me when right now my other best friend will do it willingly, and i'm scared one day she'll change her mind.
Minette & Jordan are my world, and I can't loose that. When I wake up for school and think " oh i'll pretend to be sick" I think again because I think I get to see them today.
Minette, You have stuck by me no matter what, you sacrificed everything for me. I envy you, your personality, beauty and friendliness. I wish I would appreciate you more, because I don't deserve you, I never have, but I will try to treat you better because if i lost you, i lose everything I gained.
Jordan, You are like my sister, therefore we don't bother fighting cause it doesn't matter. But lately i'm scared because it feels like our fights are real. I don't understand why, but I need to work on not taking everything out on you. I don't appreciate you enough either because I guess that invites in the saying " You don't know what you've got till it's gone" .
You two are my life, and I love you like my sister's. Because you are my sisters. And I will never give up on either of you, no matter how selfish I am I still think of you even when it seems like all i care about is me, because I have to admit most of the time it is all i think about.
I'm going to try. That is the least I can do to show you I actually care.
Friday, 3 February 2012
Thursday, 22 December 2011
Stress is a bittch ♥
So Yeah, Everyone is freaking stressing at the moment due to an obvious reason; Christmas.
My mum is freaking me out, she's so stressed and I feel for her, she's orgininising not just Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas day dinner, pressies but also camping, you see on the 27th we go camping for two weeks ! So she's also trying to get ready for that ♥
But i'm also stressed, The closer we get to 2012 the more I freak out ! My life is going soooo quickly, like yeah I'm looking forward to Christmas but I wish I had more time to grasp the day, because before you know it it's over ! And it's a new year and you're stressing for the next one ! Phewwww, Well i'm looking forward to campig to relax finally, but it sucks cause last year I did some dumbb shiit, so now i've lost my parents trust so now there's gonna be all these rules! Well I'll get what i deserve right ? Karma !! i TOTALLY believen karma, its an explanation for everything, we will get what we deserve !
Haha, well Merry Christmas everyone ! And happy New Year !
Stop stressing & enjoy your holiday ♥
Pics : me & jordie , relaxing and enjoying our summeer !! ♥
Emily ♥
My mum is freaking me out, she's so stressed and I feel for her, she's orgininising not just Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas day dinner, pressies but also camping, you see on the 27th we go camping for two weeks ! So she's also trying to get ready for that ♥
But i'm also stressed, The closer we get to 2012 the more I freak out ! My life is going soooo quickly, like yeah I'm looking forward to Christmas but I wish I had more time to grasp the day, because before you know it it's over ! And it's a new year and you're stressing for the next one ! Phewwww, Well i'm looking forward to campig to relax finally, but it sucks cause last year I did some dumbb shiit, so now i've lost my parents trust so now there's gonna be all these rules! Well I'll get what i deserve right ? Karma !! i TOTALLY believen karma, its an explanation for everything, we will get what we deserve !
Haha, well Merry Christmas everyone ! And happy New Year !
Stop stressing & enjoy your holiday ♥
Pics : me & jordie , relaxing and enjoying our summeer !! ♥
Friday, 16 December 2011
One of those days .... ♥
So i'm as bittchy as ever, tired as hell, feel like i'm hungover (i'm not) and hating everyone & everything at the moment.
I have only just showered and it's two o'clock in the afternoon, I'm sitting here on the computer feeling like i'm going to puke & black out any second now.
I got my camera all wet yesterday and it doesn't work anymore, I lost my expensive necklase. And i'm getting bad feelings now. I don't know what I did that karma has decided to punish me for but i'm sorry.
Give me a break ?
Christmas is next week & I'm scared cause time is going very quickly and I'm nervous for camping because everyone is expecting me to be the same little traamp I was last year.
OH WELL.
Bye now.
I have only just showered and it's two o'clock in the afternoon, I'm sitting here on the computer feeling like i'm going to puke & black out any second now.
I got my camera all wet yesterday and it doesn't work anymore, I lost my expensive necklase. And i'm getting bad feelings now. I don't know what I did that karma has decided to punish me for but i'm sorry.
Give me a break ?
Christmas is next week & I'm scared cause time is going very quickly and I'm nervous for camping because everyone is expecting me to be the same little traamp I was last year.
OH WELL.
Bye now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)